Today is Saturday, September 25th.  In my typical Saturday morning style, I woke up early and watched Project Runway to start my weekend off right.  Often I am up after 7am when I am not forced by my alarm clock to wake, but this morning I rose as if I was getting up for school.  I love it when the house is quiet and I can enjoy an indulgent breakfast, my cup of coffee, and the company of my two cats.  Some mornings I wake and spend time reading or writing, and like today,  feel inspired to blog a little.

Since I created this blog to reflect upon dad, I ought not spend too much time dwelling on my interest of Project Runway, or my love of coffee and quiet Saturday mornings.  My writing intent should remain on dad, since I feel as time passes, it is becoming harder and harder for me to see him and know that he is present.  Last month, the weekend after the anniversary date, mom decided to throw a party to thank friends who knew and loved dad and who were present with us the week of his death.  The gathering was also meant to symbolize a new year of change and be an opportunity to look forward into the future.  When Tony and I first heard that this event was in the works, we were skeptical about how it might unfold.  We did not really want to relive that week.  Period.  And we couldn't understand how mother would want to, either.  But she felt called to gather people, friends, back to her home and fill it with energy to keep dad's spirit alive in all of us as well as to remind us of the wonderful friendships our family has.  Despite my reservations about what I envisioned this "party" to be, the day turned out to be extremely joyous.  Mom and Beck prepared delicious Barefoot Contessa-inspired finger food, Becky organized festivities (a Jeopardy game of dad facts), and all of our friends brought the energy and love mom was hoping for.

We are now into year two without him.  I have my special table with his photo, the American flag we were given at his funeral, his military hat, and an angel on it in the corner of our bedroom.  It needs a little dusting, but it remains there to remind me of him every day.  I should put a penny on it....  What is harder, these days, is this challenge of defining our evolving family and family traditions.  We continue to be surrounded by dear friends who even agree to go dancing with our sweet momma, and my husband's family who open their arms to include us in their family celebrations.  We want to keep dad alive in us.  He was the patron of all of our family events and of the friendships that developed with our family over the years.  And now we are challenged to do this without him.  I am hopeful that as we walk in this new direction, we will have dad's fortitude and grace to help us understand the continued brilliance and light that draw us towards others and to a sense of peace as we look at ourselves anew.