The weather could not be more beautiful out today. This morning, fog draped the edges of town, and I wondered if we'd jumped back a few months to May when we were all greeted most mornings by a cool canvas that stayed with us for hours. The fog did not hang around long today, and sunshine embraced us as it should on a late August day. I could not forget today as if it was just any other day. I am not arrested by grief, so my reflection comes with a sense of peace. Yes, our family suffered two significant losses in the last two years. Shock and sadness still resonate in the walls of our house. But I am the first to acknowledge that I also sense dad and Nick residing here with us, and that is how I can embrace happiness.
It is true when folks say that you think about those you've lost on a daily basis. Though I do not experience the "signs" nearly as often, I would say that I think about dad every day. I think about what he went through in his life and compare it to the life I've experienced so far. I think about him during hard times, when I hope that he's watching over me and clearing the path. I think of him when I have achieved something that I know he'd be proud of. I think of him when mom is sad, when Beck has hard days, when any of us are graced with gifts that he would have enjoyed sharing with us. I think of him as if he exists with endless space and time, and wonder if he's met God yet. I think of him standing close to Nick and helping him make the transition into heaven away from his loved ones yet ever closer. I think of him dropping the hundreds of pennies at the feet of my husband or to the right of my gaze at the very moment I need it. That little penny which dad gave away to remind us to trust in God is our symbol of remembrance of him and Him. I hope that all had a good day today. My other wish is that in the days ahead, whether they bring deep sadness or great elation, we can all find meaning in the little things, look softly inside and treat ourselves kindly, and remember those we've loved every day.
