What would I say...

This afternoon I was thinking about what I might call and tell dad if he were still alive. My day was difficult, and I used to call him on the evenings of those challenging days. I typically called my parents several times a week just to say hello (I'm not a big phone talker) and maybe to unload, or to check in to see about how they were doing.

~Here's what I might call and tell him tonight after my hard day of teaching.
J: Hi dad, it's your oldest! How are you up in heaven?
D: I miss you guys.
J: We miss you, too, dad. How was your day?
D: I watched over your little sister today, and I spent some time holding hands of those who have recently lost loved ones.
J: Wow, you're amazing.
D: What did you do today?
J: This morning, I gave a math assessment to some of my students, dealt with a few crisis, got my students to write a little, responded to a few more crisis, went to a meeting, worked late, came home and ate a bowl of cereal. I'm tired, and I wish my job were easier.
D: You're supposed to help those children. I could never do what you do.
J: You did a lot more, and your heart was so big....I'm just trying to follow in your footsteps.
D: Don't give up.
J: OK...I'll try, but it's hard.
D: I know, but hang in there. I love you.
J: I love you, too. Talk with you later.
D: Yep, I'm always with you.

As time passes, it's getting harder to hear him in my heart, though I know he's there. I guess I'll just have to keep calling him to remember his words of wisdom and to tell him I love him...

Days are passing...

There are many days that I long to chronicle events when I know that dad has imparted grace upon me or mom, or Tony, or Becky, when I know that he's been following one of us all day, or during a moment of despair or reflection. Both Becky and I have reported calling on him during a plane trip then returning and telling mom about it, and she tells us that he's been with us because she couldn't sense him for a while. Other times, one of us finds a penny in the most unassuming place, really, as if he has a whole jar of pennies in heaven and he manifests them at the precise moment that we need him.

I think that dad could do no more here on earth, and that he had experienced all he needed to proceed to the next bearing on the course. I hope that he's with his father, with our aunt who passed many years ago, with our little cousin who died but who saw the world as glorious the few years that she was alive. Perhaps our dog, Angel, is running around at his feet and our bird is perched on his shoulder (though Tweety particularly loved our mother :) .

Our little family is eternally grateful for all those who gathered around us the week that he died, and we think about how fortunate we are that you're in our lives.

Until next time....